I HATE MY NAME!!!

[ItemCo16527]

I can't prove this but I have to go on my buddy's word, who just got done with 5 years in the navy. He says he went through boot camp with a kid with the last name Guzzler..who became seaman Guzzler.

This one is an old joke in the Navy. A friend of mine who went to basic in 2000 swore there was a female recruit named Seaman Guzzler. However, when I went to basic in 2010 my senior RDC brought it up and explained it was an old joke at Great Lakes and that there was, in fact, no Seaman Guzzler. Still, it makes for a funny tale to tell civilian friends.

[Brig]

Sounds like that elusive Recruit Jody Schmuckatellie

[Wharfmaster]

Last weekend, I saw a group of sports medals in an antique shop awarded to a man with the surname Horney.

 

No, I did not purchase them.

 

W

[Garandomatic]

I had a few students pass through my classroom with the surname of Gussler, but thankfully the Navy wasn't in their future.

[bunkerhillburning]

Don't forget Richard Swett, politician from New Hampshire - who did go by the nickname ' Dick ', last name pronounced ' Sweat '. Pretty harsh.

[MAW]

Not a name from a military experience; but my wife worked for a few days with a man by the last name of Dorko.....she took a pic of his business card becasue she figured people wouldn't believe it.

 

I think he pretty much lived up to the name too.

[Wedgehead30]

When I was still a flat-foot in charge of a bunch of young coppers I had a patrolman whose last name was Bates. Of course the obvious joke was to call him Master. I called him Bass Master or King Fisher because he was a Master Baiter. It was always funny to see his reaction when a prisoner called him Master Bates. Usually he would just glare at them and they would slink back into the hole. And he made sure they got a "special" roommate in the jail. He was quite the intimidating presence so it didn't happen too often.

 

In the police academy I had an instructor named Richard Peters whose wife's first name was Sharon. We got a lot of mileage out of that one. The first time he introduced her to me I about bit my tongue in half trying not to laugh.

 

Good times........

[F 106 Pilot]

Way back in elementary school I had a classmate named Donald Key. He shortened his name to Don and life was hard for Donkey after that. Ben

[Wharfmaster]

Way back in elementary school I had a classmate named Donald Key. He shortened his name to Don and life was hard for Donkey after that. Ben

.............................

 

 

Surprised they didn't call him Don Quixote.

[KySoldier]

I served with a guy in Texas and Germany named CLAPP.

[67Rally]

I have a couple..

When I was in 8th grade, I was tasked with handing out the envelopes containing the mid-term report cards. The names printed on the envelope included last, middle first. When I got to my buddy, Jack's envelope, I almost fell down. His last name was Legg. His middle name was Curtis. His first name was, in fact Jack (rather than John). Parents.

One of my militaria collector buddies (not a member of this forum) scored a nice set of DCUs from an Army doctor with the rank of major. He doesn't normally collect Army stuff, but the last name was absolutely perfect..."Funk." The good doctor, Major Funk was stationed at Fort Lewis.

There are a few others that I need to check my cruisebooks for.

[bellasilva]

Here's a good one..I went through basic training in 2005 with a kid whose last name was (no kidding) Allwangarmatage. He said something to the effect of in his culture when two people were married they would combine their last names, so this would be a combination of his parents last names. So this kid screws up one day and is getting smoked by the TI who was making fun of his name. He yelled at the kid "So who the hell was your mother, Allwang?) to which the embarrassed kid admitted that yes, his mother was allwang.

[RDUNE]

Poor Adolph & Reich probably got some grief from their fellow soldiers.

 

 

-Ryan

[Brig]

I've trained a couple 'Reich's

[Dakota]

Before I retired, I worked for a CPT Crunch. I avoided answering the phone whenever I was up at company, I couldn't say "CPT Crunch's office, how may I help you sir or ma'am" without laughing. And, they say we CW-4's are crusty! I used to hope he'd pick of MAJ his first look for his sake.

[Gumshoe]

We had an enlisted female Marine with the last name of Dahl in the Unit. I passed her one evening in the chow hall and said "How's it going Dahl." My greeting was overheard by an officer more senior than I. I stood by quietly until the rath was spent, and calmly pointed out the Marine's last name was Dahl. All I got was a "humph" out of the angry officer.

[Brig]

Had a WM student whose last name was 'Braa'...she's in for a rough 4 years

[devildog34]

I knew a Marine Sergeant named John America, and had the image and persona to fit the name. He was a MECEP Marine who was commissioned and wonder if he ever attained the rank of Captain.

[devildog34]

He's Real!!!!! How the hell did he attain the rank of Lcpl. He was always that terminal Pvt. we were always warned about!!!

[Gumshoe]

Here's a good one..I went through basic training in 2005 with a kid whose last name was (no kidding) Allwangarmatage. He said something to the effect of in his culture when two people were married they would combine their last names, so this would be a combination of his parents last names. So this kid screws up one day and is getting smoked by the TI who was making fun of his name. He yelled at the kid "So who the hell was your mother, Allwang?) to which the embarrassed kid admitted that yes, his mother was allwang.

 

Had one similar in OCS, but the parts weren't as amusing as your example. Platoon Segeant just called him Candidate Alphabet.

[swag]

He may have an unfortunate last name, but he is one bad mo'fo. Don't make fun of his name or he will destroy you.

 

 

 

[Brig]

He may have an unfortunate last name, but he is one bad mo'fo. Don't make fun of his name or he will destroy you.

 

Cockrum.jpeg

 

 

Reminds me of Johnny Cash's 'Sue'...named unfortunately to toughen you up!

[bbmilitaria]

Had a Navy uniform grouping named to Faggot and a high school teacher named Dick Harder, of course his name as listed in the phone book was Harder, Dick. I think he eventually went unlisted.

[willysmb44]

I was in High School with a guy we knew as Tom Dick. One day, he said to me and and the guys hanging around that he appreciated us never making a deal of his last name. I said there was nothing I could come up with he hadn't heard before. He then admitted that his Dad was a true redneck who had no sense of proper behavior (the kind of guy who'd make fart jokes at a funeral, he said). His mom had been in labor for over a day and was out of her mind. His Dad and uncle were a little buzzed and when the nurse brought the birth certificate, they both thought it'd be funny to give him the first name of Limber. We didn't believe him until he showed us his learner's permit. His parents refused to let him change his name. He had 3 years to go before he turned 18 but already had the forms filled out and knew what day of the week his birthday was just for that. He had a look in his eye that made my blood run cold when he said of his parents, "They better pray they don't need my help when they're old and feeble."

 

A few name issues I recall from my Army days...

• Had an E-5 in my company with the last name of Major. People actually called him, "E5 Major," instead of "Sergeant Major" for obvious reasons. Sometimes they called him his rank and then his full name as well. He said he got a lot of crap at BNOC for his name.
• At Aberdeen Proving Ground in 1997, I met a SPC with the last name of Hitler. Yes, it was a longtime family name that hadn't changed and he was peripherally related to Adolf. He claimed his grandfather wasn't allowed overseas in WW2 because of his last name (beats me if that's true or not).
• I once saw an E-7 with the last name of Smedlap. How I wish I'd had my camera for that. I asked how much ribbing he got with that last name, he groaned and said, "Sir, you have no idea..."
• Flew in a Chinook once which was piloted by a someone with the last name of Massengill. Can you imagine how much grief that guy got?
• My last name is Bishop, and I got calls all the time for the Battalion Chaplain when people saw my name on the Battalion phone registry because people thought my name was my title instead...

[rdjmchris]

My CO in basic was a Massengill. We had a split op guy from the midwest who came in for AIT with the last name of Bevelaqua (think about it). And then, I served with Jeff Dork in Italy. Went to OBC with 2LT Major. There was a SPC at language school in Monterey with the last name Fantasia while I was there.