How long do you wait for the family to respond? What if they respond but don't follow up?

[dmar836]

This is not as if one noticed someone drop a $100. That's their property - not ours to pick up and run with. Purchased items are a different social contract.

Donating to a museum is worse than a family selling IMO but I won't get into that. 

I see it as if someone asked me if I want my first car back. SURE! How about your high school letterman jacket? SURE! How about your father's first car? Your father's letterman jacket? So often we will opt for stuff we don't really want but will take advantage of the chance. Later it's not wanted again. If everything sold "used" in the world came with a recall option what a mess it would be. Most often with militaria it is best not to poke the sleeping tiger. Your loss might be their repeat chance at family indifference. 

Don't we have an entitled enough attitude? If I really want back something I once owned, the finding of it would be the hard part. I would then know I had to pay the market value to get it back. Nobody owes it back to me unless I can prove it was stolen from me.

I'm not against returning items BUT it would be under very limited circumstances. Someone tangent to the vet? No dice. Direct family? That's tough. I would take my grandfather's uniform as well but I'm not out actually searching for it. Put market price on it and see how important these items really are to them. Perhaps if they are willing to pay that I would realize they aren't just being nostalgic. My wife's grandfather's 17th/507 AB class A jacket is with his son in the family home who we know will soon be gone. That and all else of the family items will be left to his unmarried "partner" who never met the man nor is active in the family. Should my wife get a shot at it? I say yes but we will NOT cause a minute of family drama over a uniform as awesome as it is and what it means to those who understand it. Life is not about that. Memories of a person don't require their possessions in the closet. Letting them go again a second time for "new money" does.

On 8/5/2022 at 2:28 PM, cutiger83 said:

I have learned to never judge someone until you have walked in their shoes. I have learned to never lump the many in with the few. No matter the circumstances.....

 

"No matter the circumstances"? But you are "lumping together the many" collectors who say "never" as wrong? Have you "walked in these collector's shoes?"

The consistency of saying "never say never" must be applied to all points.

 

Dave

[RDUNE]

So just a quick follow-up/rant on my initial post. I had reached out to the guy one last time and he said he wanted the stuff but that was at least a couple months ago. I finally just stuck it in my booth at the antique mall with a nominal price and a note saying "The family WAS contacted, they were NOT interested". I've had problems lately with customers giving the antique mall staff grief over stuff in my showcase, especially the (modern, unnamed) Purple Hearts. My business card is in my case and one guy even texted me to let me know he was going to report me to the FBI for stolen valor... 🙄 To be clear, I only sell US insignia, patches, medals, and the occasional helmet in my showcase but people still get bent because "it should be with the family". I actually told one old Karen a while back "look around, it's an antique mall, everything in here was sold by the family when their loved one passed on, I don't hear you fussing about the railway pocket watches or heirloom porcelain dolls..." 

 

 

[kfields]

Good for you in doing what you wanted to do with your stuff. The relative said yes but couldn't be bothered to follow thru. Your example is exactly how most stuff ends up outside the family, whether it's grandpa's WW1 uniform or mom's china dolls. At that point in time, those living relatives have no interest in keeping it in the family.  Of course unborn relatives down the road might have an interest, but they aren't "owed" the item.

I recently researched the name on a set of WW1 Dogtags at the library using their Ancestry.com membership. First time I had used it and the kindly librarian helped me navigate the screens so she knew what I was doing. I successfully found the history of the guy and mentioned it to the librarian and thanked her for her help. First words from her was to ask if I was going to "return" the tags to the family! Uugghh!

[KASTAUFFER]

My Dad’s cousin’s  died and her husband contacted me a few months ago and asked me if I wanted all the “war stuff” he found in the attic. Turned out to be both of my Great Uncles WWI stuff ! I thought it was gone forever.

 

My dads cousin knew I collected this stuff and never told me she had it.

 

I was super excited to get it all.

 

Kurt

[Noelle]

On 8/5/2022 at 8:49 AM, The Rooster said:

If the family really cared about their loved ones service, if it really meant something to them, then these items would never find their way to flea markets, garage sales or online on ebay or in some cases in the garbage. etc etc.

 

I’d like to say that this isn’t always true.  Some of us don’t get the chance to get what want.  I’m the only relative my grandmother as who really cares about her WAAC service.  Her service and her WASP friends were why I never gave up my aviation dreams.  It’s a massive deal to me.  But there’s been no way to get my hands on her WAAC stuff (she died in January 2018).  I’m estranged from most of my relatives (I couldn’t keep my dad from dying…it was suicide, I was there, and I couldn’t stop it, and since, aside from my grandma and one aunt, my relatives cherish the male line more than anything, I was blamed because I couldn’t stop it), and the chance of even finding out where it is is nil.  I’ve tried.  I wouldn’t be surprised if one of my aunts took it and hocked it at a pawn or junk shop, the way she’s done with other things. 

 

Not all families are intact in such a way that they make sure that things that carry deep meaning to someone gets to that person.  That doesn’t mean that those things don’t matter.  Her things matter more to me than my dead dad’s Air Force things, or my grandfather’s Air Force things.  My chance will be if her things end up on eBay or something.  So I’m actively hoping to one day find her things for sale.

[dhcoleterracina]

Noelle,  I hope that you're able to find these things. We have a family section here where you can post that you would like to be reunited with your ancestors military objects. You could also recreate a shadow box representing your grandmothers service. While it's nice to have the exact object, it's really your memory of her that's important. 

 

I think that the lesson for all of us is to direct our heirlooms to those family members who will keep the objects for future generations (and not sell for a quick buck) BEFORE we are gone and not leave it for someone else to decide. It's not always possible but it might prevent these situations.  

[Skysoldier80]

I agree with most of these statements on here no matter what side they took.

 

I will just remind everyone that sometimes there is a generational gap on who wants these collections.  No one really wanted my grandpas stuff from WWII and Korea and most of his stuff (cloth items) was taken to the local surplus store  I had a very special relationship with him.  I was never able to recover the cloth items besides a pair of P44 trousers he gave me two months before he died.  Now after years searching through boxes, I have been able to recover Id cards, photos, original paperwork.  These items are priceless to me.  I even found his wwii paperwork in a box my aunt gave me this past New Year’s Eve.  Just think of my point- not saying I agree or disagree because we all have our experiences.

[The Rooster]

On 3/18/2023 at 6:18 PM, Noelle said:

 

I’d like to say that this isn’t always true.  Some of us don’t get the chance to get what want.  I’m the only relative my grandmother as who really cares about her WAAC service.  Her service and her WASP friends were why I never gave up my aviation dreams.  It’s a massive deal to me.  But there’s been no way to get my hands on her WAAC stuff (she died in January 2018).  I’m estranged from most of my relatives (I couldn’t keep my dad from dying…it was suicide, I was there, and I couldn’t stop it, and since, aside from my grandma and one aunt, my relatives cherish the male line more than anything, I was blamed because I couldn’t stop it), and the chance of even finding out where it is is nil.  I’ve tried.  I wouldn’t be surprised if one of my aunts took it and hocked it at a pawn or junk shop, the way she’s done with other things. 

 

Not all families are intact in such a way that they make sure that things that carry deep meaning to someone gets to that person.  That doesn’t mean that those things don’t matter.  Her things matter more to me than my dead dad’s Air Force things, or my grandfather’s Air Force things.  My chance will be if her things end up on eBay or something.  So I’m actively hoping to one day find her things for sale.

 

Yes well, nothing is always one way or the other.

In my family, my Grandfather my Dad and my Dads Brother all served.

Out of 3 kids, I am the only one who collected the heirlooms that were still left. Im the only one who cared enough about

the few items I could get and have held onto them. When my Uncle was killed in 1943, the family recieved a trunk full of his uniforms and personal effects. I have no clue what ever happened to the trunk?

I found the inventory and shipping list for the Trunk by reading his files in a golden Arrow search I had done.

So I know the trunk was shipped back home. But what ever happened to it???

Was gone before I ever came along. Could have been too painful for my Grandparents to keep the stuff???

So Im the only one. We never had any cousins, Mom was an only child and Dads Brother was killed in 43.

So none of my kids, 4 of them..... none have shown any interest in any of it.

... the family collection and my own collection..... who knows what will happen to the stuff?

Better off selling it before the time comes... lol

 

 

[Big Iron]

There was one instance I returned something and regretted it. 

 

I was at an estate sale, everything down to the rafters was for sale. I found in a box in the outbuilding a book under a bunch of other books. It was an RCAF flight log from a bomber and it showed their flights to different German cities and bombs dropped.

 

I handed it over thinking I was being nice, but the people never really seemed to appreciative or interested and I said I'd buy it from them if they did not want it and gave them my number. They were the nephew or great nephew of the owner who had passed. 

 

I kick myself to this day for passing it along as I bought a bunch of stuff and they never even looked at the stuff I bought. I've tried to contact them, but no luck. Lesson learned, as most people have had somewhere between 20-80 years to find and hold onto these things. I've been given stuff by vets because no one wanted it. I was lent photos by an uncle who was in Vietnam and after I returned them, they must have gone missing. First thing at the funeral for my uncle, a cousin I haven't seen in 20+ years asks "where are Dad's photos?" I wish I had replied you should have kept better track of them when he was alive to ask. But I didn't. 

[Gear Fanatic]

That is how I got most of my current collection,  I met a tour guid at a historical sight in SF and he invited me to his house and gave me a ton of collectors books. I have known him for about 4 years now and he is like my grandfather now. ( on my dads side my grandfather died of cancer because he stood to close to the radios on Okinawa when he was deployed during Vietnam 🙁 only met him once before he died)  he is like family now and every time I go up there to visits my grandma I go to his house and we have tea and talk about collecting and stuff. I always look forward to seeing him, he is a good friend😊

 

-Gear Fanatic 

[Gear Fanatic]

On 9/27/2022 at 11:08 AM, dhcoleterracina said:

I've never contacted the family, they've always contacted me.  In this case, you've done your due diligence, they aren't interested. 

 

Any family heirloom is only as safe as the weakest family member who might throw it in the garbage. As much as that is painful to us, it happens all the time. The answer is to give some things away to those who have interest BEFORE they pass away. If there is no interest then we owe it to our family to NOT stick them with the doll collection. My wife is scared that she'll be stuck with my collection if something happens to me. If I go out today and get hit by a Kenworth then she will. Hopefully though, as I get older, I'll let it go for others to enjoy. 

 

If you've collected for decades, it will take a while to liquidate.  

 

[javimetal]

You have done everything you could.

 

I live in Spain.

A few years ago I bought a Vietnam vet dog tag on Ebay.

At first I thought he had died from being for sale.

I searched and searched for information about the veteran and I saw a web page (it must have been published by the veteran himself) with a lot of information about his service in the army (soldier photos, diplomas...)

Thought I'd look it up on Facebook.

He was alive! In California! And he kept posting everyday things about his life and he was constantly posting how proud he was to be an Army and Vietnam Veteran.

I don't have a Facebook account. I opened a Facebook account, exclusively to talk with him.

I told him that he had bought his dog tags on Ebay, that I was from Spain, I sent him photos of the dog tags, I sent him several messages (that I had no bad intentions)....

He only responded to one of my messages with a lot of indifference, like he didn't care about how curious the story was.

Nothing else.

So, I closed my Facebook account and goodbye.