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What is the funniest/ Dumbest thing you saw or heard while in the service?


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Probably late March 1986 at Ft Bragg. We had switched from winter PT uniform to early spring uniform which was sweat shirt and yellow shorts. On friday we had a Battalion run where all the companies assemble on Deglopper Field and the Lt Col. (Jesse Johnson) leads us. Well, friday morning arrives and upon looking outside we see it raining hard with lots of ice in the trees- a nice cold freezing rain. So much for the battalion run! Wrong -- we form up in company formation and march out onto Deglopper to assume our position in the battalion formation. The company is standing in formation, it's members rubbing their legs, and jumping up and down trying to stay warm as the freezing rain is driven into them by the wind. The battalion formation is finally formed up (facing HHC and C Company barracks) and the usually "all present and accounted for" announcements are going on. But wait!! in full view of the battalion, someone is peaking out of one of the doors for Headquarters Company. And as the first part of the battalion is beginning to march out onto the road, a lone figure runs from the door to join his company - WEARING LONG JOHNS under his PT uniform!!! The entire battalion erupts in cheers and laughter. The lone figure is SFC Mitchell, fellow Vietnam veteran and long time associate of the Battalion Commander. The only person who could get away with such a thing!!!

 

I am not sure what SFC Mitchells job was in the battalion but he was a well known prankster. Whenever the battalion received a new member, no matter what rank they were, he would start a conversation with them. If he found out they were married and had children he would ask, "How is your wife and MY children?"

 

I don't remember SFC Mitchell's first name. I may have never known it. There were many tales and stories about him in the battalion. One that I remember was that he killed his platoon leader when the platoon was ambushed and the lieutenant was trying to run away with the the only radio. He was supposedly put in for the Medal of Honor but it was denied since he killed an officer during his actions. That was the story. True or not I don't know.

 

If anyone knows anything about SFC Mitchell I would love to hear it. He apparently served with Jesse Johnson in Vietnam, but I don't know any more than that. I don't remember what combat patch he wore.

More on Jesse Johnson https://valor.militarytimes.com/hero/4950

http://www.cochisemts.com/index.php/leadership

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  • 3 months later...

Not the dumbest, but up there.

 

1990s, Fort Drum NY: tank trail north of the end of the runway (for you folks that know the place). This road is clearly marked "BLACKOUT DRIVE ONLY", for good reason.

 

Oh Dark 30, I have the pleasure of leading a column of M60A3s back into Gasoline Alley using blackout drive - our drivers all using their night vision periscopes.  We're *ALMOST* home when I sense white light behind me about the same time as my driver tells me he can't see squat.

 

Yup. Car coming up behind us with the high beams on.  "Column herringbone, halt. Dismounting, standby".

 

I take a long trudge to where this car is, can't see any faces of who's inside and didn't care. I'm tired, I've still got a lot to do, I'm not pissed off and this(these) idiot(s) are putting lives at risk. Driver's window is down and before they could say anything...

 

"You're on a blackout drive only trail. I'm going to suggest you park here and wait 15 minutes until my tanks are out of the way. If my trail tells me you're moving up behind us, I'll have the MPs waiting for you at the crossing point".

 

About faced, walked back to my tank and took my people home.  

 

Best part. - pretty sure I saw a gold Oak Leaf on the driver's collar. 😒

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Once had a Platoon SGT from the Philippines, one day we get word of an FTX and he says :gear up boys, we are going to where the deer and canteloupe play" I think of this when I sometimes watch NCIS and the character Ziva says things wrong.

 

Had to organize a  special convoy in Iraq in 03 as I had a soldier at a remote site drop his false teeth in a porta john... Can't make that up!    Scott

 

 

 

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On 12/18/2019 at 11:53 AM, T Ambrosini said:

Mather AFB around 1981... It was a training center for navigators and there were freshly-minted 2LT's everywhere. I was a young E-2 in uniform and approached one of the young LT's outside the BX. I noticed something about him, thought I'd have a little fun, and walked right past him without rendering a salute. The ensuing brief conversation went something like this:

 

 

LT: "AIRMAN!!!!! Isn't it customary to salute an officer?!"

Me: "I'm sorry, Sir. I didn't recognize you as an officer... You have your cover on backwards"

Now that is funny! Classic  ( When in doubt, Throw it out! Salute)

R.Delaney-

I Collect USMC WWII uniforms, gear, patches, insignia. medals and ribbons. I also sell and trade Militaria of primarily the U.S. Military.

 

R.Delaney

 

Semper Fidelis-

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Moderators, if this story does not meet the guidelines of this site, please delete it and you have my apologies.  But it is true, it did happen and it was funny!

 

My funny story happened at Parris Island when I was going through basic training. 

The squad bays are arranged with two rows of racks (one down each side) so when you get up in the morning you have two lines of recruits facing each other at attention to count off. 

You would be standing in your t-shirt & skivvies.  The skivvies had a slit in the front with no button or snap to close it.

One morning when we got up the guy directly across from me had a, well lets just say he was extremely aroused!  And with that stupid slit in his skivvies, it was sticking out for all to see!

One of the assistant Drill Instructors walked up to him and said, "Damn recruit, what in the hell were you dreaming about last night!"  The Drill Instructor then got the recruit's cover (cap for you non-Marines) off of the corner of the rack and hung it on his manhood.  As the Drill Instructor turned to walk back up to the head of the squad bay, he said, "Now don't let that cover hit the deck!"

Mike B. in 'Bama

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  • 1 month later...

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This one sounds like something you might see in an old Jerry Lewis movie. I was an Army medic assigned to the 24th Evac Hospital (Long Binh, RVN) in 1967. The following story is a condensed version of one that appears in the recently published book "Long Daze at Long Binh," a humorous memoir about my tour in Vietnam.
    One day we were alerted that our new Chief Nurse was about to arrive at Tan Son Nhut airbase in Saigon, 14 miles southwest of Long Binh. Since no big shots were available on such short notice, the CO sent me to pick her up in his jeep, along with PFC Rossini riding shotgun. Her flight arrived early, so when we got to the pickup point we were told we’d find her at the Tan Son Nhut Officers Club. We drove over there, padlocked the jeep and went inside with our M-14 rifles slung with the barrels down.
    In the lobby there were signs that said OFFICERS ONLY BEYOND THIS POINT and NO WEAPONS BEYOND THIS POINT, so we sent word in to tell her we’d arrived. She brought out a couple Cokes with ice and told us to relax there while she visited inside with some old friends. The only place to sit down in that lobby was at two little podium-type things on either side with seats that were like barstools, so we parked our butts there and began to savor our chilled drinks.
    It was probably two in the afternoon and soon some Air Force officers walked in. Seeing two armed guards seated at these little desks, they started whipping out their wallets and showing me their ID’s. I was startled of course, but rather than try to explain why we were there, I just said “Thank you, sir” to each one of ‘em as they passed by.
    Rossini was watching and drinking this in with great fascination, so after they went inside I said “Just play along!” Soon more officers were coming in and now we were checking more ID’s. Eventually one officer said “Oh shoot, I don’t have my wallet with me! No ID!” By this time Rossini had decided to play it to the hilt and said “Sorry sir, I can’t let you in without it!” The lieutenant was starting to beg when I intervened and said “It’s OK this one time, Rossini. Let him in.”
    As this continued I was starting to get nervous about someone possibly questioning why two armed guards wearing Army fatigues were drinking Cokes and checking officer ID’s on an Air Force Base. I figured they might think the security threat level had been raised-- or they might realize they had been duped by a couple of impostors.
    To relieve some of my anxiety I sent Rossini outside to watch the jeep. Before long the Major came out and I escorted her out the front door as quickly as possible before someone could yell "there goes one of 'em now!" I think she talked non-stop all the way back to Long Binh.
    (If you go to longbinhdaze.com you can read all about "Long Daze at Long Binh: The humorous adventures of two Army draftees trained as combat medics and sent off to set up a field hospital in South Vietnam." There you'll also find photos, reviews and sample chapters.)

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A somewhat military story ...

 

I got out of the Army while my wife was still in the USAF.  When I would drive down to meet here at Hickam AFB for lunch, the Security Police would see the blue sticker on the car and salute.  Being an Air Force dependent at the time, the first couple of times I didn't feel obliged to to return the salute.  But I kept my hair short, and I suppose I still had that military bearing.  After a bit I noticed less than friendly looks from the Security Police as I passed by.  It seems they felt they were not being acknowledged, which in military protocol is a no-go.  So at some point, I got back in the habit of snapping off my best practiced salute in return.  It was a lot easier than trying to explain that I was a civilian at that point.  Oddly, it did the trick!  No more dirty looks when driving on base.  

 

Conversely, months later, I was back in the Army Reserve, and I had business at the map depot on base.  Walking from my car in my BDU's with a shiny pair of captain's bars on my hat, I walked within four feet of a USAF Senior Master Sergeant without a bit of recognition!  I started to say something and then just realized he'd right it off as some Army quirk.  

Gil Burket
Omaha, NE
Specializing in Fakes and Reproductions
of the Vietnam War

burkcats@hotmail.com

 

"One is easily fooled by that which one loves."

 

Moliere: Tartuffe

 

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I have seen a lot of dumb things to mention during my time in service, however, the first thing that came to mind was one of my track mechanics was riding in the back of a LMTV in Iraq After a shift working a ECP and I told him to not rest the barrel of his rifle on his foot in case it goes off.  Long Story short,  the next Day later I was coming back in from mission in my Bradley’s and was going to stop to pick the shift up and I had found out that on his was out to shift he had shot himself in the foot in the back of the LMTV.  All I could do was laugh.

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19 hours ago, Skysoldier80 said:

I have seen a lot of dumb things to mention during my time in service, however, the first thing that came to mind was one of my track mechanics was riding in the back of a LMTV in Iraq After a shift working a ECP and I told him to not rest the barrel of his rifle on his foot in case it goes off.  Long Story short,  the next Day later I was coming back in from mission in my Bradley’s and was going to stop to pick the shift up and I had found out that on his was out to shift he had shot himself in the foot in the back of the LMTV.  All I could do was laugh.

We had a dude do that in Iraq, too. Claimed a pen in his flak strap hit the trigger and the safety failed. We all called bull

-Brig
GySgt/USMC/0369
RSU-Quantico


"FOR OUR TOMORROWS, THEY GAVE THEIR TODAYS"
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Sgt John P Huling
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Cpl Stephen C 'Socks' Sockalosky
LCpl Joshua A 'Scottie' Scott
LCpl Jason Lee 'Birdman' Frye
LCpl Nicolas B Morrison
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LCpl Osbrany 'Oz' Montes De Oca
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I could write a book about the dumb things that went on in the ICBM complex of FE Warren AFB Wy and most of them involved the Security Police who had to work out there.  The complex's had what were called Mobile Fire Teams that roamed the area and consisted of a light armored truck a M60 gunner, a team leader and I think two other guys.  To keep mileage down on the armored truck which was a pig, the teams would meet up some where to change over so they could go home.  Well one day two teams meet up on I80 in western Neb, change over and the old crew heads back to Cheyenne. Some time later they realize they left the M60 on the top of the suburban, they stop and to their horror its not there.  Many teams of SP's walked along that stretch of interstate and the weapon wasn't found.  We figured it was found and someone had a belt fed weapon at home.  Many many months later the road department was mowing along that stretch of road and ran something over that jacked up the mower.  Yep they hit the missing M60. 

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GOD Bless Texas And All That Serve Her

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On 7/27/2020 at 11:49 PM, m1ashooter said:

I could write a book about the dumb things that went on in the ICBM complex of FE Warren AFB Wy and most of them involved the Security Police who had to work out there.  The complex's had what were called Mobile Fire Teams that roamed the area and consisted of a light armored truck a M60 gunner, a team leader and I think two other guys.  To keep mileage down on the armored truck which was a pig, the teams would meet up some where to change over so they could go home.  Well one day two teams meet up on I80 in western Neb, change over and the old crew heads back to Cheyenne. Some time later they realize they left the M60 on the top of the suburban, they stop and to their horror its not there.  Many teams of SP's walked along that stretch of interstate and the weapon wasn't found.  We figured it was found and someone had a belt fed weapon at home.  Many many months later the road department was mowing along that stretch of road and ran something over that jacked up the mower.  Yep they hit the missing M60. 

 

Oh, I bet someone's career ended over that one. 

 

For all the modern emphasis on weapons security and accountability I remember a time when I was a Senior in ROTC at Penn State.  We were operating a firing range for our underclassmen.  We were supposed to borrow a Deuce and a Half from the local reserve unit, draw weapons and ride out the range which was on state land.  Everybody was loaded up and signed for an M-16, but the truck, an official Army Vehicle would not start.  So we piled everyone into the civilian cars that we had available, mine being a bright orange Chevy Vega.  The weapons?  Locked in the trunk of my car!  I don't even want to think about how many regulations this must have violated, or even better what would have occurred if we'd been pulled over with a trunk full of fully automatic weapons!

Gil Burket
Omaha, NE
Specializing in Fakes and Reproductions
of the Vietnam War

burkcats@hotmail.com

 

"One is easily fooled by that which one loves."

 

Moliere: Tartuffe

 

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People lost pistols. Never their 16's, but .45's had a nasty habit of falling out.

If you didnt bother to use a dummy cord itwas SOL time.

One night at Fort McCoy late O Dark Thirty in the woods..... our Medic had lost his medical bags...

Right before we were moving to another area...

While we were searching in the dark for his bags, a buddy of mine confided to me that he had lost his .45

About 10 minutes latter, my buddy found the medics bags and he knew he had been sitting near the medic and he subsequently

Found his .45 .

SNAFU

Two things you could not lose.

You weapon and your protective mask.

If it was a TA50 item that was lost, you had to pay for it.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Dumb, later funny: Winter at Bitburg AB, Germany, around 1986. We were in the bread van (crew truck) driving around to pick up aircraft crew chiefs. The last one we got had been assisting with fuel cell maintenance on one of the F-15s we had there. Since he got in last, he was all the way at the rear doors. He also stunk to high heaven of JP-4 fuel fumes. Without thinking, and before anyone could stop him, he pops in a cigarette and lights up. Literally! JP-4 has a low flash point, but this time the circumstances were right and his coveralls lit up. The quick thinking guys next to him opened the rear doors, physically booted him out into the snow, and unsympathetically yelled "Roll, mother____, roll! This quickly did the trick, and he was no worse the wear save some singed hair and eyebrows. His nickname immediately became Torch.

 

Randy

MSgt USAF (Ret)

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3 hours ago, Randy said:

Dumb, later funny: Winter at Bitburg AB, Germany, around 1986. We were in the bread van (crew truck) driving around to pick up aircraft crew chiefs. The last one we got had been assisting with fuel cell maintenance on one of the F-15s we had there. Since he got in last, he was all the way at the rear doors. He also stunk to high heaven of JP-4 fuel fumes. Without thinking, and before anyone could stop him, he pops in a cigarette and lights up. Literally! JP-4 has a low flash point, but this time the circumstances were right and his coveralls lit up. The quick thinking guys next to him opened the rear doors, physically booted him out into the snow, and unsympathetically yelled "Roll, mother____, roll! This quickly did the trick, and he was no worse the wear save some singed hair and eyebrows. His nickname immediately became Torch.

 

Randy

We have a winner!

Looking for items related to the Ninth Coast Artillery District and 6th Coast Artillery Regment

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  • 3 weeks later...

while I was in South Korea, We  were flying a general one day.   We were flying  over  this large mountain, when on top, I seen the river  below us, also a Blackhawk  flying up the river. They turn and headed up the mountain at us.  Well I thought surely all the pilots see each other.  I sat there like a dumb azz and said nothing. The Blackhawk was getting closer and closer, first thing I knew it was  right in our face, That struck fear in my heart,  I hit the mike key. I yelled Bart , Blackhawk right in front of you, He throw the huey a hard right, The Blackhawk went hard right, We were   a second from hit each other.  Bart the pilot  yelled back dam Wendell you got good eyes.   Every  time I think of how we almost died, because I sat there like a dumb azz, I should have told the pilots about the other aircraft. I  though sure they seen it.   Also while I was there two cobra,s on a mountain top almost hit us, and another time A,10 almost hit us.  

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