Most embarrassing moment(s) in uniform...

[GDMortarman]

Well this is not embarrassing to me, but to the Soldier it may be if he tells anyone. Back in 1997 I was a recruiter in Salt Lake. I was down at MEPS just hanging around for my applicant to be finished and we could leave for the day. I was asked to come in the the liaison office as another applicant had an issue. Come to find out, he showed up to process without any drawers on. MEPS policy is you have to have socks, closed toes hoes and drawers on to process. Well this kid did not follow the rules and here comes SFC Kibler to the rescue. As it turned out, he was a kid from our station and one of my buddies applicants. So we looked around the office for a set of PT shorts, none, so we had to had some drawers around(we usually had some, because these things happen at times) Nope, no drawers. As it turned out, Kmart down the street was not open yet, and they were about ready to kank the kid for the day. This is where an NCO steps in. I take the kid into the security interviewers office and proceed to ask him if he really wants to join that day, he responded with a "Yes" So I gave him a ultimatum, I would give him my shorts (i'm Infantry by nature) and he can put them on inside out and then once he enlisted he could throw them away. Well, he joined and mission accomplished for the station. So my motto for a few years was, "I will not only give you the shirt off my back, but the shorts off my rump so you can join" I just bet he never told anyone he did that either. Stay Army!

[KRIS FORD]

On CVN-73..me and a FN were wrapping up a trouble call on the 03 level, wet, rusty and nasty from lugging the snake around and sloshing thru CHT puke..and who do we run into on the 02 level??

ADM Mike Boorda!!! (with a couple of officer tour guides..CVNs were dog and pony central!) I nearly crapped myself..the CNO!!! I saw who he was and the brass on his collar, and choked out the SORRIEST "Attn on deck!" my FN froze..there we were standing all wet and nasty in front of the CNO..he was a warm and friendly guy..telling us at ease, and shook our hands, (thinking to myself, "sir..if you knew where my hands just were"...) thanked us for being fine sailors, patted us on the back, and was on his way..me and the FN were like..did that just happen??

 

So we hightailed it back to the shop..guys thought were telling sea stories..but they finally believed us, then started telling everyone..Chief got a kick out it..told him we just wrapped up snaking sh*tters then shook the CNO's hand!! LOL!!

[USARV72]

While not my screw up, guess I was in charge. Late 1972 at MACV compound, a friend and I that had less than a month before DEROS were assigned to teach Navy personnel how to operate and care for M2 Brownings and M113 APCs. A week of instruction on M2s had the sailors doing pretty good. We went over everything we thought of regarding the tracks and decided to take two tracks at a time through Saigon to the POL. Got the first Navy guy( unsure of rate) to follow me. Talk about the best drive of my life it was driving a track through Saigon. Papasan usually just slowed down for wheeled vehicles hoping to get " injured" by one so he could sue the US. Tracks we're different, like parting the Red Sea, loved it. Arrived at POL, I pulled up in the diesel lane, didn't pay enough attention to the Sailor. Had my track filled when I looked at the other one, in the MOGAS lane being filled up. I jumped off yelling unspeakable at the Sailor and the fuel papasans, numba 10 is all I can post. Turns out they had pumped about 25 galleon of MOGAS in the 113 which had 6V53 Detroit Diesel. Talk about POed. After a few more words with the Sailor I gave him a crescent wrench and showed him the fuel talk drain after we lowered the rear hatch. Everything went in the ditch close to the pumps. Fueled up and returned to MACV, never saw him again. Told my buddy to watch them like a hawk. IIRC, we both DEROSED in two weeks. What memories.

[Allan H.]

My two most embarrassing moments in the army were both while I was wearing a butter bar. My first was right after going through my Officers Basic Course at Aberdeen Proving Grounds. I had the honor of being a part of a large briefing for General Gordon Sullivan who was getting ready to take over as the Assistant Army Chief of Staff. Sullivan went on to by Army Chief of Staff later. Anyway, We were wearing our Class A uniforms, and I distinctly recall that we were all checking our gig lines and ensuring that our uniforms were perfect just before the main event. The briefing went on from one officer to another as we briefed General Sullivan. When I got my turn, I recall distinctly standing at a modified parade rest as I went over the information that I was presenting. I recall pointing at items with an open hand as we had all been instructed to do. I thought that my portion of the brief had gone flawlessly and I closed with "This concludes this portion of the briefing Sir. What are your questions?" General Sullivan looked at me and asked "Do you feel a breeze?" It was then that I realized that I had briefed a four star general and staff with my fly open! I quickly came to attention, executed and about face and zipped up. The room erupted in laughter. I did another about face, asked if the general had any other questions and stepped off smartly as the next officer came up to present. The only thing mentioned in the "staff notes" post briefing was General Sullivan's comment of "nice recovery" from my portion of the brief.

 

While I was at MOUT Training at FT Hood's OUTSTANDING MOUT site, our unit was working on defensive tactics at night. It was cold and everyone was in BDUs with field jackets. We were carrying full LBE and ALICE packs too. Our signal for enemy contact was supposed to be a green star cluster flare. These flares look a lot like a firework at night with a big green explosion some 300 feet in the air. Since I was a platoon leader, I had one in my possession. The OPFOR attacked at night and as part of the assault, they set a pile of tires on fire which illuminated the area pretty well until the black smoke started to roll in. As the aggressors began their assault, I pulled out the flare, put the cap on the bottom side of the flare and slammed my open palm into the cap in order to ignite the flare. I was standing between two buildings in a small alley. As the flare rocketed upward, it caught the overhang from the roof of one of the buildings and ricocheted back the way that it came. The flare came down right between my field jacket and the ALICE pack I was wearing. I was trying to get the pack off and was at the same time trying to roll away from the pyrotechnic as it exploded on the ground. The aggressor force broke off the attack and started running to my aid. When they got there, one of the OPFOR NCOs jerked me up off the ground and asked me if I was OK. I don't know if I will ever forget how big his eyes were and the terrified look on his face as he was trying to assess me as a casualty. I kept saying "I'm OK, I'm OK" until the NCO was satisfied that I wasn't going to be Medevac'd out. His demeanor quickly changed from one of terror to one of an angry parent as he started yelling "You STUPID (blank, blank, blank, blank) IDIOT!!! What are you trying to do? Get yourself killed?!?!?!" The whole time he was hitting me on the top of my Kevlar helmet. After he calmed down a little bit, I think he started to realize what he had done to me. By the letter of the law he had physically assaulted an army officer. Everything sort of went from a dire emergency to an "oh c r a p" type of moment.

Once everything calmed down, the range NCOIC came down to take my statement. He told me that they were preparing to press charges against the NCO! I told the NCOIC that we were NOT going to be pressing any charges and if anything, the NCO needed to be commended for his quick reaction to my inept handling of the green star cluster flare. The NCOIC put his pen down and asked me if I was sure, and I replied that I was. He went from being very serious to being very relieved.

We finished the training the next day. The NCO that had slapped me on the helmet came up afterward to apologize, and he asked to shake my hand. I apologized to him for being a stupid 2nd Lieutenant and told him that I hoped that he wasn't going to get in trouble for coming to my aid. He told me that he thought he was going to be OK. I thanked him again for his coming to my aid and for the outstanding training that our unit had received that week. From that point forward, I always handed off pyro to the senior NCOs. I had definitely learned my lesson.

 

Allan

[gwb123]

Allan... star cluster story... classic!

[USARV72]

Allen, LOL. Good one. Careful when you cut open the top of para. illumination flare, cut off chute and shoot horizontal, all I'll say.

[pmanton]

This at Ft. Riley KS perhaps late 60's. I have always been early to work so I can relax with a cup of coffee before things get started. I parked my car and was walking toward my work site when I was stopped by a rather large mud puddle. Since no one was around and I was feeling frisky I backed up and took off running with intent to jump the puddle.

I missed and wound up on my butt in the puddle. As I sat there cussing I heard the sound of marching troops. Yep my troops. Yep I was recognized.

 

By the time I got a fresh uniform on I was late for work and had to endure smirks and silly grins all day long.

 

Paul

Salome, AZ

[Garandomatic]

Always cool to see this thread come back to life!

[Bluehawk]

Always cool to see this thread come back to life!

 

[lettow]

One of my most embarrassing moments came during an awards ceremony.

 

I was TDY to 104th MI BDE for the Task Force XXI NTC rotation of 1st Brigade, 4th Infantry Division. We did not have a significant role in the operation. G-2 tasked us to prepare the nightly intelligence briefing for the Deputy Commander of Garrison. This was one of the most painful experiences in my life watching as this guy tore apart just about everything. Never saw so much melted brass.

 

This was in 1997 and in the entire division TOC where we were located I was the only person who had any experience with Powerpoint. So I spent my day doing nothing but making slides. It was OK and Comet Hale-Bob was in the air over the desert so all was not wasted.

 

My NCOIC was a 104th SFC who I got along with well. At our final AAR he started asking questions that made it apparent he was putting me in for an award. I stopped answering his questions and told him that I did not think it was appropriate.

 

I returned to my home unit and thought nothing of it until I was called out at a battalion formation about three months later. The Battalion Commander was all about self-promotion and was so proud that one of his soldiers received a merit award at TFXXI and insisted on presenting it himself.

 

He rambled on about how great this was for us to have participated in this exercise, how important the exercise was to the Army, yada, yada, yada.

 

Don't get me wrong, it was an awesome experience for this newly minted E-5. I met Secretary Perry and Secretary Cohen and 56 delegations of 4-stars and above came through the TOC. I had never witnessed a full bird acting like a butler before.

 

Anyway, while BC is pinning an AAM to my BDUs he is still rambling on. He tells me how proud he is, etc. Then he says that I should say a few words. I quietly told him that I did not want the award, that I asked them not to put me in for one, and that I did not have anything to say.

 

He either ignored me or did not hear me or did not care how I felt about the whole thing and asked me what I did to deserve the award. I humbly responded that I did nothing in particular and that the experience was great and I would accept it on behalf of the other five from the battalion that participated and I named them all.

 

He pressed me about what I did because (and this is a quote): The United States Army does not give out medals for doing nothing.

 

I looked around and as loud as I could so the whole battalion could hear me and said: I spent the whole week making Powerpoint slides for briefings.

 

Dead silence. I really don't know wbo was more embarrassed, him or me.

 

He gave me a befuddled look and sent me away. I spent the afternoon answering to my First Sergeant, CO and the battalion CSM.

 

Six weeks later I found myself TDY to Riyadh, nine months earlier than scheduled.

[Brig]

One of my most embarrassing moments came during an awards ceremony.

 

I was TDY to 104th MI BDE for the Task Force XXI NTC rotation of 1st Brigade, 4th Infantry Division. We did not have a significant role in the operation. G-2 tasked us to prepare the nightly intelligence briefing for the Deputy Commander of Garrison. This was one of the most painful experiences in my life watching as this guy tore apart just about everything. Never saw so much melted brass.

 

This was in 1997 and in the entire division TOC where we were located I was the only person who had any experience with Powerpoint. So I spent my day doing nothing but making slides. It was OK and Comet Hale-Bob was in the air over the desert so all was not wasted.

 

My NCOIC was a 104th SFC who I got along with well. At our final AAR he started asking questions that made it apparent he was putting me in for an award. I stopped answering his questions and told him that I did not think it was appropriate.

 

I returned to my home unit and thought nothing of it until I was called out at a battalion formation about three months later. The Battalion Commander was all about self-promotion and was so proud that one of his soldiers received a merit award at TFXXI and insisted on presenting it himself.

 

He rambled on about how great this was for us to have participated in this exercise, how important the exercise was to the Army, yada, yada, yada.

 

Don't get me wrong, it was an awesome experience for this newly minted E-5. I met Secretary Perry and Secretary Cohen and 56 delegations of 4-stars and above came through the TOC. I had never witnessed a full bird acting like a butler before.

 

Anyway, while BC is pinning an AAM to my BDUs he is still rambling on. He tells me how proud he is, etc. Then he says that I should say a few words. I quietly told him that I did not want the award, that I asked them not to put me in for one, and that I did not have anything to say.

 

He either ignored me or did not hear me or did not care how I felt about the whole thing and asked me what I did to deserve the award. I humbly responded that I did nothing in particular and that the experience was great and I would accept it on behalf of the other five from the battalion that participated and I named them all.

 

He pressed me about what I did because (and this is a quote): The United States Army does not give out medals for doing nothing.

 

I looked around and as loud as I could so the whole battalion could hear me and said: I spent the whole week making Powerpoint slides for briefings.

 

Dead silence. I really don't know wbo was more embarrassed, him or me.

 

He gave me a befuddled look and sent me away. I spent the afternoon answering to my First Sergeant, CO and the battalion CSM.

 

Six weeks later I found myself TDY to Riyadh, nine months earlier than scheduled.

Yup...awards are one of those shut up and color things.

 

When I was a combat instructor, we always had an Honor Graduate and an Instructor of the Class who received paper awards and had to march up and receive them in front of the families of 400 some-odd students who were too naive to realize how much Marines hate marching to the front of formation in front of crowds to accept paper awards.

 

For the Honor Graduate, we would select the top student from each platoon and board them out. For the instructors, the Platoon Sergeants would nominate one from each of their teams then sit around and duke it out to determine who got it. One class, there was a tie between myself and someone else, so the Platoon Sergeants called the 1stSgt to make a ruling.

 

These boards always occurred on the last Saturday morning before the course ended. When they called the 1stSgt, he was half hung over and half asleep, and his subconscious thought it would be funny to bestow this on me, as I was known for my thoughts on (or rather against) much of the award system. Later that day, when he was typing up the citation, he called me in to ask me for some specific. I told him not to submit it, I didn't want it, CerComs are toilet paper, give it to some glory hound, blahblahblah. He looked me dead in the eye and clicked send to spite me.

 

Well...the Honor Grad and Instructor of the Class had the additional requirement of meeting with the school commander for a coin and some congratulations. Normally, the final Saturday was simply morning PT, then go down to a skeleton crew. Often, nobody bothered to bring a change of cammies since we cut right from the O-Course. My trousers were dirty from PT that morning, but I happened to have a spare set in my duffel bag...a habit I always had in case I got soaked during the field time of the course. They had been in my bag all class-nearly 4 weeks-and were crumpled to all hell...so I had to hang them in the head with the shower running to steam the wrinkles out so I could go get a handshake and a challenge coin. So I went to see the base commander on a beautiful sunny day in soggy cammies, feeling like a jack*** the entire time

[bdale]

I so wanted to report to Airborne school, standing tall and looking good so I scraped together some funds and bought a brand new set of BDU's to which I quickly in turn took to the tailor for name tag/US Army and to have them pressed. Fast forward to the school and I'm standing in a line of Airborne candidates waiting for equipment issue. A Black Hat is pacing the line staring down students, making the usual derogatory

remarks and smart-rump quips; as one passes me he stops and pauses and says "step off the line". I comply sharply.

 

He turns me toward the long line of students and loudly announces look here ladies, we have PVT. US ARMY in our midst, he was born for this

shinola. I quickly realize the tailor had sew my tags in reverse and I was a dead man. ....what country is Dale? is that a NATO Country, never

heard of that place before. Man what a disaster.......

[Bluehawk]

I so wanted to report to Airborne school, standing tall and looking good so I scraped together some funds and bought a brand new set of BDU's to which I quickly in turn took to the tailor for name tag/US Army and to have them pressed. Fast forward to the school and I'm standing in a line of Airborne candidates waiting for equipment issue. A Black Hat is pacing the line staring down students, making the usual derogatory
remarks and smart-rump quips; as one passes me he stops and pauses and says "step off the line". I comply sharply.

He turns me toward the long line of students and loudly announces look here ladies, we have PVT. US ARMY in our midst, he was born for this
shinola. I quickly realize the tailor had sew my tags in reverse and I was a dead man. ....what country is Dale? is that a NATO Country, never
heard of that place before. Man what a disaster.......

 

[Army_Pilot1967]

I enlisted in the Army in 1966 and had a guarantee to attend rotary-wing flight school after basic training. Following basic training I got to Fort Wolters, TX, and began the Warrant Officer Candidate Program. On one occasion I was walking outside in an area of administrative buildings, and as I rounded a corner I came face-to-face with an imposing figure in a green uniform. I looked at him and noticed he was wearing wings and his hat might have had "scrambled eggs" on the visor. I had no clue who he was, but I figured he outranked me since I was a private and a warrant officer candidate. I saluted him and gave the appropriate greeting. He just looked blankly at me and walk passed me without saying a word. As I was to learn a bit later to my utter embarrassment he was a Southern Airways employee. Southern Airways had a contract with the Army to provide flight instructors to teach us candidates how to fly a helicopter and he was wearing his official uniform. Hey, he looked imposing to me and I saluted because I was unsure of who he was....if in doubt, salute.