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Most embarrassing moment(s) in uniform...

Started by Bluehawk , Sep 24 2016 11:34 AM

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#1 Bluehawk

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Posted 24 September 2016 - 11:34 AM

Why not give this a try?

 

I had two:

 

- The day I, as right guide, misinterpreted a TI voice command during close-order drill final review... and half the Flight followed me the wrong direction, the other half went the other way. I got called out front-and-center from parade rest - and the TI kicked me right square in my arse. We were awarded Chapel Honor Flight, instead.

 

- The day at my first permanent party base I discovered that my Mom had written the Base Commander to inquire as to why her son had not been writing her with the necessary frequency... and my Squadron Commander (in full dress blues) called me (in fatigues) to his desk, at attention, with the immortal words, "Airman Bell, you WILL write your mother frequently and unfailingly. Dismissed."

 

:rolleyes: 

 

How 'bout you?

 

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#2 Brig

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Posted 24 September 2016 - 01:05 PM

Back in 2008...when I was TAD to Special Operations Training Group...we got assigned a quota for a week of base colors detail. As I was the only one not hopped out of my mind on meds, I was given the assignment. Strangely, the assignment is a week long, running from Thursday to Thursday...my Staff Sergeant gave me one bit of advice, "don't embarrass us"

 

I showed up Thursday morning for my first day and reported to the OOD...they had all the different sized flags folded and up on a shelf. Upon picking up the flag, I noticed it was folded loosely and looked sloppy. So I resolved that at night, when they came down, we were going to fold them nice, proper, and tight. Evening comes, flag comes down, and we fold it into a perfect triangle. Proud of myself, I retired for the evening.

 

Friday morning, we grab the nicely folded flag, and march out to the pole. The division SgtMaj was walking in, and decided to stop outside the front of the building that morning and render honors as the colors were run up. As NCOIC of the detail, I instructed one of the other Marines to clip it to the rope, and when the colors start another Marine tugs on the rope. If you've never been part of a color detail, the procedure is for the Marine who clipped it to untuck the end and ensure it unfurls as it is run up. Well, the Marine with the flag was short, the Marine on the rope tall, and the flag so tightly folded, that they didn't get it unfurled in time, and there I am, rendering a salute, maintaining my bearing but cringing on the inside as our Nation's colors go running up the flagpole in a perfect triangle.

 

As if that wasn't enough, the Division SgtMaj comes sprinting at us yelling "it's in distress! It's in distress! Get it down, Marines!!!"

 

When I walked in to work, SSgt asked me how it went. I had simply told him I'd embarrassed us...



#3 Bluehawk

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Posted 24 September 2016 - 01:35 PM

"When I walked in to work, SSgt asked me how it went. I had simply told him I'd embarrassed us..."

:D 



#4 BagmanL6

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Posted 24 September 2016 - 02:22 PM

Too numerous to list but mostly involving uniform SNAFUs like going to my first Bn formation without collar insignia or forgetting the collar EGAs on my dress blues for the ball.  Those are only outdone by my early tactical "skill" in the field which usually revolved around my "developing" land nav skills.  If you ain't screwing up you ain't trying.  At least that's what I told myself. 



#5 Bluehawk

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Posted 24 September 2016 - 02:35 PM

"... without collar insignia or forgetting the collar EGAs on my dress blues for the ball."

 

Ahem, yes... those matters definitely could lead to some consequences  :blink:



#6 Brig

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Posted 24 September 2016 - 04:48 PM

Too numerous to list but mostly involving uniform SNAFUs like going to my first Bn formation without collar insignia or forgetting the collar EGAs on my dress blues for the ball.  Those are only outdone by my early tactical "skill" in the field which usually revolved around my "developing" land nav skills.  If you ain't screwing up you ain't trying.  At least that's what I told myself. 

I was with 2/9 when it was reactivated in 2007. A year or so later, I was on duty, and a Captain walked in on OOD I'd never seen before. He asked me if we were 2/9, and when I rogered up, he informed me he was with 6th Marines, and they'd been looking for us for a year. 9th Marine Regiment never reactivated, 2/9 fell under 6th, only nobody told us little guys and evidently no one told 6th Reg where we were....

 

He asked me if we were wearing the fouragerre...I looked at him funny and told him we were 2/9, but evidently, since we fell under 6th Marines, we were supposed to wear it. I still don't agree with that logic, as 2/9 wasn't at Belleau, but I don't make the rules. Later he delivered a large trash bag of French Fouragerres, they were still packaged and dated 1986. A few months later I rotated, and never had the opportunity to wear it.

 

A few years later, I rotated to 2/6, and when it came time to inspect blues for the ball, I finally had occasion to crack it out. Rather than drop $20 at the PX, I pulled out the one I had been given years before and pulled it out of the plastic. As I walked down the ranks with the LT, I noticed how deep a forest green the fouragerres of my Marines were. Evidently, in the 80s, they were more of a sea foam green...needless to say I got a lot of puzzled looks



#7 Sgt. BARney

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Posted 24 September 2016 - 06:01 PM

I was assigned to stand Duty NCO one night (as a Lance Corporal!). Normally, two people stood duty to provide each other a relief.  However, our company was very short-handed, so only one person would be assigned to stand nightly duty.  One of the duties was to sound reveille for the company, and we had a wind-up alarm clock in the duty hut to keep track of the time (this was 1980).  You would just set the alarm to go off at reveille then go thru the hooches waking everyone up.  Well, that night, I fell asleep in the duty hut. Someone came in while I was asleep and set the alarm clock ahead a couple hours.  So when the alarm went off - at about 3:30 am - I was going from hooch to hooch turning on lights and yelling "reveille".  After the first few hooches, people started coming out into the street cursing at me cause it was still way early.  I spent the rest of the time trying to decide whether to enter this incident in the duty log, or just hope that no one told the 1st Sergeant.



#8 Brig

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Posted 24 September 2016 - 06:03 PM

 I spent the rest of the time trying to decide whether to enter this incident in the duty log, or just hope that no one told the 1st Sergeant.

Which did you choose?



#9 Bluehawk

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Posted 24 September 2016 - 06:44 PM

... trying to decide whether to enter this incident in the duty log, or just hope that no one told the 1st Sergeant.

oops  :wacko: 



#10 gwb123

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Posted 24 September 2016 - 06:55 PM

I was OIC of a small support operation that was providing gas, food, maintenance to umpires for a major field exercise in Germany.  It was kind of cushy as we were not part of the maneuvering, and we had set up around a sportsplatz that had electricity and hot showers, as well as some hard stands for the vehicles.

 

However, we were still supposed to be tactical in appearance and keep everything orderly and neat.

 

I received word that our Brigade commander (full colonel and ex-173rd ABN in Vietnam) was inbound on his helicopter.  The designated landing zone was a soccer field that down hill from us.  Not wanting to miss his arrival, I double timed it over there.

 

As his bird was coming in, I hit the downward slope.  There had been some rain the night before, and the long grass was slick.  I lost my balance, and slid by my heels and butt downhill a good 20 feet in full view of the copter.

 

Fortunately, I don't believe anyone was watching as pulled myself to my feet and very stiffly walked over to greet my visitor.  I imagine he wondered why I was blushing when I walked up to him, but I just thanked my stars he hadn't seen his trusted officer on his kester!



#11 ScottG

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Posted 24 September 2016 - 09:34 PM

   I was part of a joint OPFOR exercise at Camp Grayling in Michigan in 1999 (Exercise Provost United) with the Canadian Army. Our platoons divided up so that half were Canadian and half US. The Canadians were PPCLI and PWOR. I had a squad that was tasked with attacking an M.P. unit in the field in broad daylight. It was a simple mission to just go in and shoot em up! Many of the scenarios involved infiltration or placing bombs, or capturing someone etc... This was just a good ole surprise attack.

   We started at the top of a hill near the MP units site while they were all having a class near the bottom. I just got everyone lined up and we ran down the hill running and gunning and shouting our heads off! As I approached the bottom there were 2 MPs in front of me. As I got near I stepped into a small hole and went head and arms first into the first guy, who then knocked over the second guy. Basically I was on top of both and when I recovered I found myself standing above the MP Brigade Chief of Staff (Colonel) and CSM! After a short butt chewing session from the CSM I was asked who was in charge of the attack. When they found out it was me, I received a coin and an ambulance ride as I had wrecked my ankle in the hole! What an after action report that mission was! I had crutches for two months but the short term embarrassment was worth having this story!   Scott



#12 Bluehawk

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Posted 25 September 2016 - 06:00 AM

"... he hadn't seen his trusted officer on his keester!"

 

Whew...  :blink: 



#13 Bluehawk

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Posted 25 September 2016 - 06:03 AM

"... I found myself standing above the MP Brigade Chief of Staff (Colonel) and CSM! After a short butt chewing session from the CSM... "

 

Yikes!  :rolleyes:



#14 Bluehawk

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Posted 25 September 2016 - 06:18 AM

I had another one, conveniently forgotten...

 

USAF Tech school for recip a/c mechanics was pretty good, but did not make a mention of parachutes, for some reason, even though the 43151A AFSC is supposed to be dealing with the WHOLE airplane (minus a couple of major parts).

 

At Chanute Field I was ground crewing on a C-123B which had gotten pulled into the hangar one day. All was quiet in the barn and I was wandering around, looking at stuff in the cargo bay. I noticed a parachute on a web seat and went to get a closer look, noticed this D-ring looking thing and wondered to myself, "Is this what you pull if you want to bail out?" 

 

I pulled that ring, and POP went the chute, all over the place.

 

Now, our squadron senior NCO was a CMSGT, old guy, who had probably enlisted in 1940 or so (this was in 1964 I pulled this stunt), He somehow magically heard that chute deploy and suddenly appeared at the foot of the cargo ramp, looking at me like I was completely crazy (which, in fact, I had to have been).

 

"What, exactly, were you attempting to accomplish!" he said.

 

I found myself mowing the grass around Hangar 1 for a week...

 

:dry:



#15 ScottG

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Posted 25 September 2016 - 10:15 PM

   It does beg the question "what did you think was going to happen?"  Still, just like sacking the Colonel and CSM is mine, it will be your story for life now!   Scott



#16 Bluehawk

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Posted 26 September 2016 - 05:01 AM

   It does beg the question "what did you think was going to happen?"  Still, just like sacking the Colonel and CSM is mine, it will be your story for life now!   Scott

Exactly...  In my case, all I can recall thinking (at age 18) was something like, "If I pull this, then will the chute open, or what?" I am pretty sure that up to the moment I got on a couple of manifests for training rides, I had never once seen a parachute other than in war movies. It was a dumb thing to do, but on the other hand, I was showing initiative by delving into my own OJT!  :rolleyes:

 

Probably should have asked somebody with more stripes, though... 



#17 BagmanL6

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Posted 26 September 2016 - 05:07 AM

Exactly...  In my case, all I can recall thinking (at age 18) was something like, "If I pull this, then will the chute open, or what?" I am pretty sure that up to the moment I got on a couple of manifests for training rides, I had never once seen a parachute other than in war movies. It was a dumb thing to do, but on the other hand, I was showing initiative by delving into my own OJT!  :rolleyes:

 

Probably should have asked somebody with more stripes, though... 

 

Reminds me of one of my Marines.  Doing squad live fire on a range when before we've even gone hot I hear a  "pop" (thankfully not a weapons discharge) behind me, that momentary dead silence, then the calls for a corpsman.  Run over to see one of my Marines on the ground holding his hand and half yelling in pain and half laughing.  Long story short - found an old flash bang in the brush and decided he'd see if it still would work by pulling on the string.  When the Company Commander wanted to know what his punishment should be my answer was the embarrassment was enough.



#18 Bluehawk

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Posted 26 September 2016 - 05:21 AM

 

Reminds me of one of my Marines.  Doing squad live fire on a range when before we've even gone hot I hear a  "pop" (thankfully not a weapons discharge) behind me, that momentary dead silence, then the calls for a corpsman.  Run over to see one of my Marines on the ground holding his hand and half yelling in pain and half laughing.  Long story short - found an old flash bang in the brush and decided he'd see if it still would work by pulling on the string.  When the Company Commander wanted to know what his punishment should be my answer was the embarrassment was enough.

That is a fact...

Imagine what I had to mumble when my fellow aircraft mechanics asked me what I was doing mowing grass instead of wrenching on Providers...  whew.

 

No rump chewing I ever got from my father remotely compared with the CMSGT experience in that hangar, either.

 

It was awful. :blink:



#19 zsmith

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Posted 26 September 2016 - 06:47 AM

When I was 19 or so (definitely under 21) we had an award ceremony scheduled for a Friday morning. After the award ceremony we had the rest of the weekend off so a bunch of us decided to go out drinking on Thursday night and I may have gone a little crazy with tequila. I show up Friday morning still half lit and my chief comes up to tell me that I'm getting an award (I did not see that coming). As he's telling me this he can smell the alcohol on my breath and tells me that I better start holding my breath when the CO gets 2 guys from me and not to breathe until he's at least 2 guys past me. I'm sweating bullets as the CO hands me my award, I shake his hand, and nearly pass out from holding my breath. I think all is well... I MADE IT!

 

As the award ceremony is wrapping up and everyone is departing for their long weekend I hear my chief yell out "SMIIIIIIIIIITH!" and I know I'm done. He informs me that the chief of the boat has asked for a volunteer to ride a tug out to another submarine to deliver mail... and guess who just volunteered?

 

I was fine until we made it out past the breakers and then I spent the rest of the ride puking my guts out on that tugboat. The tugboat crew was pretty supportive. They took turns guessing what I had to drink and then gave me a box of saltine crackers. My dress whites were a freaking mess by the time we got out there. One of the tug guys felt so bad that he walked the mail bag across the brow for me (or maybe he just thought I'd fall overboard?).

 

I no longer drink tequila. Just the smell of it makes my stomach turn.



#20 12A54

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Posted 26 September 2016 - 06:56 AM

I arrived in Korea just before ARTEPs began in early 1983.  Because the existing Platoon Leader had trained the platoon (2/C), I would simply TC one of the tanks, C5A, and could observe the platoon and get to know it’s Soldiers and how they performed during the ARTEP.  He would then PCS and I would take over as Platoon Leader.
 
So I am jetlagged, in a foreign country, in my very first Army assignment, in the field during a horribly cold winter, fairly unfamiliar with the tank and equipment, and amongst Soldiers I didn’t know yet and who would be watching me closely as I would become their new Platoon Leader in a few weeks.  Just managing the maps, navigation, radios, CEOI, weapons and turret orientation, and reacting to battle drills I had only seen in school were all a bit overwhelming.
 
In the field, freezing cold and it’s o’dark hundred and we’re preparing for a movement to contact.  So dark that you can’t see a thing and your red lens flashlight helps very little.  As we get ready to cross the LD, we hear a pop pop pop and see the flashes of artillery simulators all around us.  Per doctrine, the PL calls GAS! GAS! GAS! over the net and we all struggle into MOPP IV, donning masks, connecting hoses and wires.  The new mask is uncomfortable and the rubber gloves cumbersome.
 
After a few minutes and a report of “C21 up”, “C22 up”, etc., we begin to roll out on our advance.  I am lucky in that this is simply a “follow the leader” road march for me, but I can’t see a thing and am terrified that my tank will roll off a cliff or into a river.  It’s so dark that I can’t see anything and even the dome lights in this antique M48A5 aren’t working to allow me to see my map.  I have no idea where we are or where we’re going now.  I keep asking, “Driver, can you see the tank in front of us?”  “Yes, sir” he says.  He is clearly way more acclimatized than I am and is having no trouble seeing the road and the tank ahead of us.  I am slewing the turret on instinct and feel, but can’t identify any targets – it is black as back velvet out there.  I am utterly lost, blind, frustrated, and confused.  But I am impressed at the professionalism of the platoon and it’s Soldiers and how well they are doing in the pitch dark.  My blindness allows me to absorb so much more that’s really going on – sound tactics, effective and efficient comms, good crew drills, disciplined movement.  I give up on trying to be effective and resolve to just listen, feel, and think about what’s happening.
 
Complete utter darkness.  No illumination outside the tank, no lights inside, flashlight not working.  I am suffocating in this god-dammed mask.  I cannot see a thing.  I am simply sitting in the TC position on the jump seat as we await the “all clear”.  After what seems like hours, it finally comes from higher.  We remain masked through the Platoon Leader’s authentication.  Finally, he gives us the all clear.
 
I pull the brand new mask off, gulping the fresh cold air, but am shocked and blinded by intense sunlight burning into my eyes.  I have gone from pitch dark to blazing sunlight.  What the hell?  I look down at my brand new gas mask and realize that:
 
THE CARDBOARD STIFFENER IS STILL IN PLACE.


Edited by 12A54, 26 September 2016 - 06:56 AM.


#21 Bluehawk

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Posted 26 September 2016 - 11:48 AM

"... I hear my chief yell out 'SMIIIIIIIIIITH!' "

 

Pucker factor  :blink:



#22 Bluehawk

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Posted 26 September 2016 - 11:49 AM

"THE CARDBOARD STIFFENER IS STILL IN PLACE."

 

oops  :P 



#23 Andrei

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Posted 29 September 2016 - 02:19 PM

"THE CARDBOARD STIFFENER IS STILL IN PLACE"...

 Best story...  :D


Edited by Andrei, 29 September 2016 - 02:20 PM.


#24 DC9legacy

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Posted 03 October 2016 - 08:23 AM

I have a few.....some not embarassing for me. 

 

#1, as a Company CO, I am NOT the person that should be in front of formation.  I'm serious, but not overly serious.  When we had one of our FTX/weapon quals, we had a guy come into the barracks and very loudly announce at 2250 (I was still awake and playing games on my phone), "Oh man, that chick is TOTALLY into me you guys!!!"  Guy 2 once Guy 1 arrives at edge of billets, "How do you know?"  Guy 1: "Cuz she sucked me off.  Tomorrow, I'm going to get away from here and bang her like there's no tomorrow." 

​The next day I told our BN staff to please not be present in formation.  Why?  "Plausible deniability."  My BN XO goes, "What are you going to say?"  My response: "The reason that we have button fly trousers on our combat uniforms is so that it takes longer than 4 days to open our pants."  Apparently he thought I was serious.....so I told him it wasn't exactly that.

 

In formation, "So, just a few things for your weekend safety brief.  First, situational awareness.  This is the Army.  If you come back into the barracks loudly bragging about how great your night was at.....hypothetically speaking 2245 or 2250, keep in mind what you are talking about and whether it is appropriate for EVERYONE to hear.  People are free until 2200, but 2200 is still curfew due to range fires.  Also, a reminder about fraternization.....you are still able to be held accountable for UCMJ if you decide to engage in any inappropriate relationships....the ones that you may have been hypothetically bragging about. Ladies, keep in mind it's a big Army and a small unit. I strongly advise against relationships, but if you do, make sure that you are careful on it, so that you don't get a reputation.  It wouldn't be good if your partner was married and this Soldier happened to come back into the barracks at...this same hypothetical 2245-2250 timeframe and was bragging about stuff.  I'd hate for anyone to get a reputation as the Barracks Rat." (I found out early that AM that one of the SMs was married, never found out who the female was. 

​Needless to say, everyone was in their bays at 2155 and nobody was celebrating a rockin' night out.

​#2, My first time pinning an award on someone, they hand them to you with the butterfly clips.....It was handed to me basically just "folded up".....so I couldn't figure out how to pin it.  Apparently, rather loudly, I said to my SGT "What the f__k? How do you get this thing on there?"  We all laugh about it now....but a few times some of my Soldiers have heard some of my mutterings. 

So many more....as I think of better ones I'll add some in.



#25 Bluehawk

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Posted 04 October 2016 - 07:11 AM

Life, is good...

;)




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